The following excerpts are based on true stories:
Matt's Doormat
Our bus friends bought a doormat for outside their flat and one day found it missing. Asking around they soon found out their upstairs, elderly and slightly nutty neighbour had thrown it away because she doesn’t like doormats, they are not aesthetically pleasing!? So, determined to have a doormat they decided to purchase another, only to find it go missing again!! Confronting her this time, she confessed to the crime without regret or apology, which led them to phone the police to report the theft! So, the French don’t like doormats, yet they like treating you like one ….voila!
Headmistress de Café
One afternoon Ruby and I thought we’d try a more Parisian café instead of our usual Americanized Columbus Café. Slightly aware that you’re not always welcome with children, I was prepared for an icy welcome. I was not, however, prepared for the frightening waitress who firmly told me where to leave ‘la poussette ici!’ and directed me to a particular table. Ruby climbed up the chair and leaned over the table to reach something which nearly caused alarm bells to go off, obviously she had crossed some laser line which she wasn’t supposed to cross. We got our food with the expected aggressive efficiency, at which point Ice Woman physically tried to move Ruby to sit on her bottom instead of her knees. Ruby wasn’t having any of it and moved back to where she was insisting, ‘My want to sit on my KNEEEEES!!!!’. That’s my girl, I was thinking, don’t take no merde! And then she committed her final crime before we left….she picked up a knife and tried to cut her pizza. Well I thought Ice Woman was going to have an aneurism, the look on her face was either pure terror or maniacal child tormentor, I knew she was desperate to get the knife away from this wild child, but luckily for Ruby a customer came in and distracted the nutter from attempting to, for the end could have been bloody.
Ronnie’s Rude diner
This one tops the lot. An American friend was at a café/brasserie with her 3 year old son and husband. Her son was having a tantrum of some kind so she took him outside to try and calm him down. Nothing was working so she was about to leave when a diner said to her in broken English (with a French accent), ‘Excuse me madam, I have children too, but I am here trying to have a quiet lunch and think you should leave now’. Children should be seen and not heard, either left with the nanny or gagged in public, apparently.
Matt's Doormat
Our bus friends bought a doormat for outside their flat and one day found it missing. Asking around they soon found out their upstairs, elderly and slightly nutty neighbour had thrown it away because she doesn’t like doormats, they are not aesthetically pleasing!? So, determined to have a doormat they decided to purchase another, only to find it go missing again!! Confronting her this time, she confessed to the crime without regret or apology, which led them to phone the police to report the theft! So, the French don’t like doormats, yet they like treating you like one ….voila!
Headmistress de Café
One afternoon Ruby and I thought we’d try a more Parisian café instead of our usual Americanized Columbus Café. Slightly aware that you’re not always welcome with children, I was prepared for an icy welcome. I was not, however, prepared for the frightening waitress who firmly told me where to leave ‘la poussette ici!’ and directed me to a particular table. Ruby climbed up the chair and leaned over the table to reach something which nearly caused alarm bells to go off, obviously she had crossed some laser line which she wasn’t supposed to cross. We got our food with the expected aggressive efficiency, at which point Ice Woman physically tried to move Ruby to sit on her bottom instead of her knees. Ruby wasn’t having any of it and moved back to where she was insisting, ‘My want to sit on my KNEEEEES!!!!’. That’s my girl, I was thinking, don’t take no merde! And then she committed her final crime before we left….she picked up a knife and tried to cut her pizza. Well I thought Ice Woman was going to have an aneurism, the look on her face was either pure terror or maniacal child tormentor, I knew she was desperate to get the knife away from this wild child, but luckily for Ruby a customer came in and distracted the nutter from attempting to, for the end could have been bloody.
Ronnie’s Rude diner
This one tops the lot. An American friend was at a café/brasserie with her 3 year old son and husband. Her son was having a tantrum of some kind so she took him outside to try and calm him down. Nothing was working so she was about to leave when a diner said to her in broken English (with a French accent), ‘Excuse me madam, I have children too, but I am here trying to have a quiet lunch and think you should leave now’. Children should be seen and not heard, either left with the nanny or gagged in public, apparently.
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